Kay Wheeler enjoyed a remarkable life, marked by unusual breadth and diversity.
Her life began in Japan in 1922, when Japan, ruled by imperial authority, was just 11 years past the Meiji era, and was ruled by Emperor Taishō. At age 89, she lived on the far side of the Pacific, in a country governed by its first African-American president, elected from the political party she supported throughout her American life.
The years in between found her living through the Great Depression as a child in Osaka; surviving the hardships of World War II, including the bombing of her family home in Osaka; marrying John Wheeler in Kobe, Japan in 1951, and crossing the ocean in a Navy ship as a “war bride,” arriving in Seattle and living briefly in Virginia (where John was discharged from the Army) before moving to Texas. Kay’s life in Texas was very active, with her own dressmaking and alterations business, an active schedule of church activities, and a social circle that included many Japanese women who, like her, had married an American serviceman. In her 70′s, with her immediate family no longer in Amarillo, she chose to leave her very rich social and work life in Texas, moving to California and establishing the foundation for the last period of her life there, first in Encinitas, then in Del Mar.
Kazuko’s Years in Japan
Kazuko at age 14 (standing), with her friend, Sato Ume (seated). Click to see a larger version, and see below for a photo of these two friends in 1959.
Kay (then Kazuko) was born in 1922, the oldest daughter of a family that would eventually have five daughters, with an older half-brother, Toyoji. Her father owned a business making candy, in a small factory that was part of the family home in Osaka. Although it isn’t clear whether it was a result of the Great Depression, or whether it was simply the relative poverty of a family with many children, Kazuko’s parents could not send her to school after she completed sixth grade (primary school). She says she cried over this, because she was so eager to continue her education, and was upset about this for several years. Her father apologized to her, but said he could not afford the tuition of even the least expensive school.
Her father died of stomach cancer when she was approximately 14 years old. She reports that in those days, people were not told that they had terminal cancer, so her father was told he had an ulcer, but the family members knew his correct diagnosis. Upon their father’s death, Toyoji took over the family’s candy business, and became, both officially and as a practical matter, the head of the household. Just a few years later, their mother died suddenly, of a stroke. With her older brother already serving as a sort of surrogate father to his five younger sisters, Kazuko took on the role of a surrogate mother to the younger sisters, attending their PTA meetings, cooking, sewing, and otherwise helping care for her family.
When Kazuko was 19, her aunt, who helped look after the family, felt it would make her brother more marriageable if he had at least one fewer dependent sibling, so Kazuko agreed to marry a young man named Norikage, first son of Eijiro Ohara, in what was essentially an arranged marriage. That marriage brought about a huge change in her life: as the eldest daughter of a family with deceased parents, she had experienced an unusual degree of independence and autonomy. Marrying an eldest son meant she was now living with her husband’s parents, no longer independent. She had a baby son, but he died of pneumonia after just a few weeks. She tried to persuade her husband that they should live separately from his parents, but this was not traditional for an eldest son, and he could not bring himself to take that step, especially since he had been adopted, and thus felt a particular obligation to stay with his parents. As a result, Kazuko took the highly unusual step of obtaining a divorce in May 1944, when she was 21.
In a sense, being a divorced woman not only restored Kazuko’s autonomy, but gave her an even greater degree of independence. Since divorce was so rare and socially unacceptable in Japan at that time, it made another traditional marriage less likely for her – she says that her prospects would probably have been to marry a widower with young children, which held no interest for her. Her divorced status made it easier for her family to accept her becoming involved with an American soldier.
John Wheeler in Kobe, Japan, 1948. Click to view larger image.
Kazuko marries John Wheeler Kay met her future husband, John Wheeler, when he came to Japan during the Occupation. (His date of arrival in Japan is unclear, but he sent his parents a souvenir silk scarf with a painted inscription, “Merry Xmas Greetings from Japan 1947, to Mom & Dad, John Wheeler.” ) John’s family were farmers, primarily living in Texas, though John was born in Pontotoc, Oklahoma, in Nov. 1917. He completed 8 years of school, and spent some time as a teenager in the Civilian Conservation Corps, assigned to Camp Foster in California. He joined the Army in approximately March 1941. His military occupational specialty was as a cook, with an Army Specialty as a Cannoneer noted in Feb. 1941, and with an Expert Carbine qualification in October 1944.
Before meeting Kazuko, John had served in the Central Europe campaign and had been decorated with a World War II Victory Ribbon, American Defense Service Ribbon, EAME Theater Ribbon and a Bronze Service Star. He wrote his mother from Germany in 1945, in a letter postmarked May 11: ”Guess everybody there is happy the war with Germany is over with at last. Quite a few will be getting discharges who have enough points. I don’t have enough now, but mabe latter on (sic)… I have never been to Paris, but expect to if I stay over here for some time. A fellow can have a good time in France, but here in Germany there is no fraternizing with the people.” Three months later, on August 9, he wrote his mother again, from Mannheim, Germany, saying: “I have been in the hospital for a week. I had fever for three days before coming here. I had six or seven tests for malaria fever, but not a bit showed up…. Sure wish I could come home as I am sure home sick, though I consider myself really lucky not having to go to the Pacific… Though don’t think Japan will last very much longer with the new bomb & the Russians declaring war on them…” In the end, John decided to stay in the military, and found himself in postwar Japan, as part of the Occupation forces.
John and Kazuko, Feb. 24, 1951, eight months before their marriage. Click to view larger image.
In reflecting on what she liked about John in those early days, Kay focuses on his honesty. He didn’t pretend to be anything other than what he was, a poor young man from a farm, and he always spoke truthfully, so she felt she could trust him. She particularly recalls another couple they knew, an American serviceman and his Japanese girlfriend. He left Japan to return to the U.S., promising to return for her. John told Kazuko that she needed to tell the young woman to forget about her boyfriend, and not wait for him, because he was in fact married, and had a wife back in the States. John’s forthright manner impressed Kazuko greatly. Though Kazuko’s English was minimal, as was John’s Japanese, she studied English at the YMCA, and progressed rapidly developing a beautiful cursive writing style in the process.
During the first several years of Kazuko and John’s relationship, military regulations did not permit American servicemembers to marry Japanese citizens. In 1949, John returned to the United States for a visit with his parents. He then returned to Japan, but was sent to Korea in the early part of the Korean conflict, and was awarded a Korean Service medal with 1 silver service star. While he was in Korea, though they were not married, Kazuko recalls that she received an allotment from John’s pay for her support, American dollars which she says she exchanged on the black market for a handsome yield in yen. After John returned to Japan from Korea, with the military prohibition on marriage lifted, he and Kazuko were married at the Ikuta Ward Office in Kobe, Japan, on October 3, 1951, in the presence of the Vice Consul of the United States, L.L. Rocke, Jr., who signed the Certificate of Witness to Marriage. John was 33, and Kazuko was 29.
Kazuko at right, with her childhood friend, Ume Sato, now Ume Takamoto, and Ume’s husband and child. October 19, 1951, with the Osaka Castle in the background. Click to see larger image – and check out Kazuko’s bobby socks & saddle shoes!
A few notes about Japan during Kay’s early years: Kay was born during the era of the Emperor Taishō. During her childhood, the “Taishō Democracy” brought universal male suffrage to Japan, but women secured the right to vote only with the 1947 Constitution, after World War II. The 1947 Constitution also continued the Meiji Reformation ruling that restricted succession to the imperial throne to male descendants, though earlier in time, Japan had 11 reigning empresses, who were daughters of the male line of the Imperial House. Kay once noted that in the Japanese language, there is a special verb used for the death of an emperor, instead of the general word. She said that when the death of the emperor was announced, most Japanese were hearing this special word for the first time, and were unfamiliar with it, but figured out its meaning from the context of the announcement. Along with other Japanese citizens, Kay and her family heard the voice of an emperor for the first time in the radio broadcast at noon on August 15, 1945, of Emperor Hirohito’s speech announcing that the Japanese government had accepted the terms of the Potsdam Declaration, effectively signaling Japan’s surrender.
Life in the U.S.
Kazuko with her nephews, Takashi and Masaji (c. 1951), mentioned in her letter to her mother-in law. Click to view a larger image.
From Japan to Virginia At some point after their marriage, Kazuko and John left Japan on a large Navy ship, departing from Yokohama, with Kazuko in a separate guest cabin while John was below deck with the other enlisted men. Kay later recalls being quite seasick throughout the voyage, losing weight that she would never regain. Landing in Seattle, and also briefly visiting San Francisco, the couple lived for a short time in Petersburg, Virginia, near Fort Lee, where John was honorably discharged on September 10, 1952. At some point, perhaps en route to Virginia, Kay met John’s parents, and in a letter in beautiful penmanship to her mother-in-law, sent from Petersburg in April 1952, Kay wrote:
Dear Mother:
I had received your letter of 25 March…. I was going to YMCA English school for just nine months, and I couldn’t read or write even one word before I went to school. So it is too difficult for me to write letter in English, but I will try to write this one anyway so that I can start another. I hope you can understand mean what I write.
I’m sure glad to got the letters from Japan. It really makes me home sick one of them which was written by my little nephew. He is just seven years old. Name is Masaji. He said that he miss me & John very much, and Takashi, who didn’t like John when we were staying at his home, after we left there he is talking about us all the time and he miss us, too. Takashi came to the station with us when we left Osaka, he never forget about it, too. Masaji was sick on that day, so he did shake hands with John and said good-bye to us at home. I love both of the boys as much as any one…
I’m glad to met you all very much because I was sure worry about it before I met you all. but I never worry about it any more now. I think American people are very friendly to all…. I think you are doing house work so hard. Please take care of yourself. Thank you very much for everything you have done for me. Please remember me kindly to all.With love
Kazuko
From Kermit to Amarillo After his discharge from military service, for a time, John worked in the oil business in the Hobbs, NM area. With Kay pregnant, however, he was adamant that his child should be born in Texas, and not New Mexico, so he and Kay lived in Kermit, TX, and he commuted 20 minutes each way to work. John and Kay’s first daughter, Linda, was born at the Winkler County Memorial Hospital in Kermit in Oct. 1953. Not long afterwards, a change of jobs took John and Kay to Amarillo, where John’s brother, Ferrell, then lived.
Work Life: Launching a Career in Amarillo After moving to Amarillo, Kay gave birth to her second daughter, Betty, in Aug. 1955, and when Betty was about 6 months old, Kay wanted to find work. She knew that child care costs would erode much of her net pay if she worked outside the home, so she thought it would be better to try to work at home, where she could keep an eye on the girls while working. Since she had excellent dressmaking skills, she put a classified ad in the Amarillo newspaper. Alas, no one responded, even though the ad ran for two weeks. Her sister-in-law’s mother, known to her girls as Grandma Ethel, worked as a bookkeeper for the esteemed department store, White & Kirk, located in downtown Amarillo. Ethel arranged for Kay to make some sample dresses for White & Kirk, using fabrics and patterns from the “piece goods” department. These were displayed in the store, and better yet, one of the dresses ended up in the store’s display window on Polk Street, Amarillo’s main street, where many people saw it and went inside to inquire about it. They were given Kay’s phone number, and before long, her in-home dressmaking and alterations business was booming.
Kay’s business, begun in 1956, remained home-based for many years, until, in the late 70′s, she opened an alterations shop on Civic Circle, in the Wolflin Village shopping area of Amarillo. Kay’s Alterations still exists in Amarillo, with the same phone number (different address), but Kay has lost touch with what has happened with her business since she sold it to move to California.
Naturalization & An Active Church Life With two young daughters not yet in school, and a growing business to attend, Kay still found time to join a nearby church (Buchanan St. Baptist Church) and to study to become a U.S. citizen.
She obviously took the naturalization process seriously. Studying for the citizenship test, she filled a spiral notebook with carefully written notes, again in beautiful penmanship, with page after page filled with words like these: abjure, abolish, accusation, administer, advocate, alien, allegiance, amendment, Americanization, anarchist, ancestors, applicant, Articles of Confederation, assemble, ballot, Bill of Rights, candidates, checks and balances, citizen, colonies, Congress, Declaration of Independence, delegates, domestic tranquility, electors, enacted, endowed, executive, Federal, inaugural address, income tax, judicial, jury, justice, legal, loyal, naturalization, oppression, posterity, preamble, principles, property rights, qualified voter, quartered, renounce, repealed, representation, republic, responsibility, revenue, safeguard, security, treaty, inalienable, union, veto, vote, writ of habeas corpus, and many more, all defined in English and with a description in Japanese as well. On January 3, 1957, she was sworn in as a citizen of the United States. Her naturalization certificate describes her has having a “yellow”complexion with brown eyes, black hair, 5 feet 2 inches in height, with a weight of 105 pounds. A photo published in the Amarillo newspaper shows her swearing-in, alongside a Hungarian family, the Nagys, who would later become her customers.
She also quickly found a church home, and was baptized on September 8, 1956, by J.M. Jordan, pastor of Buchanan Street Baptist Church of Amarillo, Texas. Thereafter, she was an active church member, first at Buchanan Street Baptist Church, and then later at Olsen Park Baptist Church, throughout her time in Amarillo. When she left Amarillo, she was presented with a beautiful plaque, engraved as follows:
Presented to
Kay Wheeler
For Many Years of
Dedicated Service
To the Lord and the Church
OLSEN PARK BAPTIST CHURCH
Amarillo, Texas
March 16, 1997
Kay’s early years demonstrate the remarkable resilience of a woman who adapted to enormous changes in both her family circumstances and the larger world. Thus, it was no real surprise when, in 1997, she packed her belongings and said farewell to her many friends in Texas, moving to Encinitas, California to live close to her daughter Betty. At age 75, she walked into The Boutique, an alterations shop in Solana Beach, presented her resume and letters of recommendation, and secured her last job, where she continued to deploy her needle and her sewing skills for the benefit of many lucky customers, until her retirement on March 25, 2001. In retirement, she retained her zest for whatever experiences life had to offer; she was game for anything. In California, she created a new circle of friends, many in the bluegrass music community, and enjoyed accompanying Betty’s partner, Dwight, to many bluegrass jams, band practices, performances, and gatherings. She treasured visits with her two grandchildren and their families, especially her two great-grandchildren, Cooper (“Coo-pah,” she called him) and Kade. She took great delight in Dwight’s two young grandsons, Harper and Hogan, and loved being on the “babysitting team” for them. Alzheimers disease took a huge toll on her short-term memory, and she lived with Betty and Dwight for her last 7 years, after she lost her ability to live alone safely. But even in her last days, while she couldn’t recall what she had for lunch, she took great pleasure in looking at photos from throughout her rich life, recognizing the faces of the many people who shared some part of her life, whether it was 75 years ago, or just last week.
Special thanks to Dwight, who recorded a lengthy interview with Kay in 1997; much of this history is based on those recordings. Photo captions for the “early years” photos are based on information Kay provided in a May 1989 interview by Betty.
Thank you, Betty, for sharing the inspirational life of your mother. What a tribute! I wish I could have known her for it sounds as if she lit up a room when she was in it. She lived a beautiful life and her example must have been a tremendous influence in your life. You are so lucky to have had such a wonderful mom.
Betty: I loved reading about your mother’s long and rich life. I wish I had known her before the Alziemers set in. She must have had some amazing stories to tell. What an amazing woman. Love, Jody
Betty, thank you for doing such a wonderful memorial for Kay. I respected her for the way she lived her life and raised her family. I remember the coat that she made for me and how she called me Davy. I think of her a lot and wondered how she was doing. She was a wonderful lady that loved her kids, grandkids and great grandkids. Thanks again for the memorial.
David, I can still hear her saying “Davy.” Nothing brought as much joy to her life as your children. She greatly enjoyed her recent visits with both of them, and every day, she looked at pictures of them, at all ages, and loved to point at them and call their names.
Thank you for writing this beautiful story of your Mother. I attended Buchanan Street Baptist Church in the 50′s and remember your family well. My parents were Mr.& Mrs. H. A. Burnett and they were good friends with Kay and Donna Davis. I think Kay may have rented from my Dad at some time. I left Amarillo in the early 60′s and went to Hawaii where my brother was stationed. I had Kay make me a suit for the trip. She was a very sweet, kind and thoughtful lady. She was greatly loved by the congregation at Buchanan Street Baptist. I feel privileged to have known her.
Janie(Burnett) Vincent
Indianapolis, Indiana
Janie: Looking in mom’s church directory from 1969-70, I see your parents’ photos, and I remember them, and of course I remember Tomi and Donna Davis very well. Thanks for your comment – it brings back wonderful memories. –Betty
Oka-san ( pronouced with longer “a” sound, that is from Amarillo, TX– Kay/Mother) was indeed special. I remember — her getting dressed in yukata, summer kimono for Obon Festival in San Diego, her smile when I shared umeboshi (sour plum) candy with her, whenever I see the color purple- her favorite… for her 80th birthday purple origami cranes, our road trip to Orange County Art Museum, and her famous de-lish Cream Cheese Brownies,,,,yummmm.
Ms. B and D-wight– you took such loving care of her….
Much love and support… Wendy
…and I remember seeing your father at so many Obon festivals, sitting and watching you with pride. Thank you for all your kindnesses to my mother over many years!
Thanks for sharing such a warm and remarkable story of your mom’s life, Betty. She was so lucky to have you and Dwight embrace and care for her as her life came to a close. At a book club meeting last year, I remember her peeking around the corner of your living room and waving to us…her eyes were sparkling and she had a big sweet smile on her face.
What a special person!
Carol Kerridge
Carol, we were lucky to have her with us for her last years. And the book club has been such a great circle of support, so I’m grateful for that, as well.
I remember meeting Kay in the late 1970′s in her tiny shop, Kay’s Alterations, located in a little shopping center in Amarillo. I can remember dropping by her shop, many times with Betty, and feeling like I was walking into a world of fabric, in the center of which was Kay, engulfed in the rapid staccato of her sewing machine. Maybe Betty would call, “Mother”, and, as she stopped sewing, she’d look up with her beautiful smile. During those years, I can remember thinking how much Kay seemed to enjoy her life, which seemed populated with people who loved her – devoted customers, church friends, and members of her jazzercise classes, who were mostly much younger than she was. I had the impression that alot of them had a hard time keeping up with her – although she would never have said that.
I got a much fuller sense of Kay during an almost 4 week trip to Japan that Betty (aka Wheeler tours) organized in 1992. For one thing, I got to witness first hand her boundless energy and stamina. I guess all those jazzercise classes paid off because, during that trip, Kay often left us (much) younger folks in the dust as we climbed up and down hills and castles. Even Kay’s younger sisters remarked on a couple of occasions that women her age in Japan didn’t have that kind of energy. They theorized that it must have something to do with living in America.
How many times we laughed at Kay’s understated wry sense of humor and funnily apt translations of Japanese into American slang. And, we came to see in small ways, the struggles of her family when she was a child in Osaka. Her strength, resilience, generosity, kindness, humor, and large but modest spirit are beautifully captured in the loving history written on this website. I feel privileged to have seen and experienced all those things in the times I’ve been able to spend with Kay over the years. It is easy to see why so many people who came into Kay’s sphere grew to love her. She was so easy to love.
Jeanne Cook
Austin, Texas
These reminiscences bring back so many memories, Jeanne. I can vividly remember the times I went with mom to her beloved Jazzercise classes in her bright spandex outfits! She enjoyed looking at the photo album of that trip to Japan. William demonstrating the tiny size of the bath towels we encountered at one place is a priceless image…
It is so wonderful that you and Dwight did interviews with your very special Mom before her memory was affected by Alzheimer’s. Thanks for writing it and sharing it. The story of her life is quite inspiring and seeing the photos reminds me of old photos I have of my Mom, Dee. They may have been born an ocean away from one another but they lived through the same period in history and Kay’s story reveals a resilience that sounds surprisingly like my Mom’s. Dee so enjoyed meeting and talking with Kay, even though it was only a few times. They both had a twinkle in their eye! I hope that as time passes you are bouyed by happy memories of Kay. She’ll always be part of your life. Perhaps Dee & Kay are sharing a laugh right now, just waiting for us all to join them in their stories when it is time for us to leave this earth …..
I miss seeing your mom, Sandy – she was quite the fireball! (And the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.) Please don’t forget to visit your California friends!
Betty, thank you for this wonderful history of your mother. You, and Dwight as well, are an inspirational example of how active and productive people can incorporate into their lives the loving, long-term care of a parent who’s been afflicted with Alzheimer’s.
Joel Holliday
Joel, on the topic of aging parents, as in so much, I have learned greatly from your wisdom. Thank you so much for your tremendous support – it means more than I can say.
This is such a rich interesting story and I thank you for sharing it. Your mother was a special person, Betty. Her accomodating huge to the changes inher life reveal an impressive adaptabiltiy.
Lana WIlson
Thanks, Lana – I greatly appreciate your words.
Such a precious lady! We really enjoyed being with, Kay, in the Bluegrass venue. She and I, had much in common,as I’ve been a dressmaker/seamstress, too, most of my life, and learned much about, tailoring, from a Japanese neighbor, in the early 1960′s. Before the Alzheimer desease took its’ toll, I had some amusing conversations, with her. Her answers were always brief, and to the point, and very honest. And, I enjoyed the humorous comraderie, between her and, Dwight. He treated her like the treasure that, she was. We’ve added her, to our, “forever-family”, and know we will see her, again.
Bless you, D.J., and for, Ed Myers
D.J., one of my favorite images of Mom is seeing her at Emma’s on Sunday nights, enjoying the great spread of food, the music, and the fellowship. She also loved the Tuesday night bluegrass events, Wednesday “fiddle night,” and Dwight’s various band practices, as well. I know she enjoyed seeing various examples of your handiwork – and believe me, if she approved of it, as she did, that’s better than a Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval, because she had a very keen eye.
Thank you, Betty. One time, Kay brought some samples of her intricate, bead-work; and, I was amazed at the complexity of her work… And, I felt honored that, she would want to share it, with me. I’m reminded of a quote from, C.S. Lewis;”If we could see each other, the way that, God sees us;we would be tempted to bow down, and worship, each other!” But, we just have to open our eyes to those around us, and see their pure hearts… Kay, was a pure-hearted person, for sure!